Some of the jokes and pictures
I've sent to the Steve-o


Questions from the male gender towards hormonal female, Rated by danger level 

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate 
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate 
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate 
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate 
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate. 

Check out the guy in the back

A woman's secret to peace and tranquility..
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.  Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.  "What a peaceful and loving couple."

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.  "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon on a pack mule train.  We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.   My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'"

"We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'"

"We hadn't gone a half mile more when the mule stumbled for the third time.   My wife removed a pistol from her purse and shot the mule dead."

I began a loud, angry, protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."

"We have lived happily ever after.

  • 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
  • In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
  • Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
  • One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
  • Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
  • Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
  • A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen.
  • Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
  • Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
  • (No kidding, all of the above is true.)

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects

A woman gets home, screeches her car to a halt in the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!"
The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get out."
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q's just given me this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
James Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're in bed with me...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well, it must be broken because I am not in bed with you!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
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