Some of the jokes and pictures
I've sent to the Steve-o

Kilborn

  • Today is Saddam Hussein’s birthday. He turned 66 but can still absorb concrete with his head like a man half his age.
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The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall. The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner screams, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxative!"

The clerk replies, "Of course you can! Look at him. He's too afraid to cough!"

Letterman

  • I almost didn’t make it here tonight. About halfway here, down on Broadway, my cab driver turned himself in to coalition forces.
  • In the world of showbiz news – O.J. Simpson says he’s not going to host a reality TV show. He’ll commit double homicide, but just no show on Fox.
  • Saddam Hussein turned 66 today. He celebrated quietly with a few close friends in hell.

Leno

  • To try to contain the spread of SARS, Beijing officials closed discos and karaoke bars over the weekend. So some good has come from this disease.
  • A lot of people are afraid to fly now. Tourism is down. Between terrorists with weapons ... passengers with SARS ... and pilots without pants ...
  • I guess you heard that two Southwest pilots were fired after being caught in the cockpit naked. They were naked in the cockpit. Now, their lawyer said they were just showing their support for the Dixie Chicks.
  • Later this week, President Bush is coming here to California. He’s going to meet with our own governor, Gray Davis. And the two of them together are going to sit down and come up with the worst economic plan ever.
  • Now the Iraqi people are upset because they say the American troops didn’t protect their museums from all the looting. Hey, if they want to keep their museums safe, put them next to an oil well.
  • The U.S. says that around $400 million was stolen from Iraq during he looting that followed the fall of Saddam. That’s according to Fox News ... which I believe stole the 400 million.
  • A Fox News TV engineer has been accused of trying to smuggle 12 Iraqi paintings into this country. Ironically, Geraldo Rivera was accused of sneaking pictures of himself into Iraq.
  • Today is Saddam Hussein’s birthday – 66. We’re not getting together this year. Normally we’d meet at Vitello’s, have a drink, but he’s not doing it this year.
  • If you’re looking for a last-minute gift for him, he could use a couple of new palaces, a few half-brothers ... he’s missing a lot of stuff.
  • As you know, police have arrested the sleazy Scott Peterson for murder. When he asked for legal advice, his lawyer told him, "Win a Heisman."
  • O.J. Simpson is getting his own reality show. It’s going to be called "Joe Killionaire."
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