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Good Lesson I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for three years and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in everyway, my friends encouraged me, and my fiancé... She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a smart, confident career woman, but most of all she was unbelievably sexy. She often openly flirted with me, which piqued my curiosity and made me quite uncomfortable at the same time.One day she called me and asked me to come over to review the wedding invitations. When I got there, I realized she was alone. As we looked at the invitations, she whispered in my ear: "Soon you will be married, but you must know that I have feelings for you that I can no longer ignore. Before you commit your life to my daughter, please make love to me just once". I was in total shock .... what could I say? As I sat there dumbfounded she said: "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you share my yearnings, just come up and take me." Still dazed, I watched her magnificent form as she wisped up the stairs.I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then turned around and went to the front door. Slowly, I opened it, and stepped out of the house...... Amazingly, her husband was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said: "We are so happy. You have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." I will never forget the day I earned the trust of my in-laws, nor the valuable life lesson I learned on the front steps of my wife's childhood home..............always, always, always, keep your condoms in your car. |
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How to Identify the Driver's Home: * One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York. * One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago. * One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston. * One hand on wheel, one hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California; with gun in lap: L.A. * Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. * Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy. * One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle. * One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male. * One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male. * One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female. * Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado. * One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates. * Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia. * Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida. * One arm out window, one hand gripping a mason jar, driving with knees, car weaving, radio blasting, and plastic Elvis in rear window: Tennessee. |
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