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OINK OINK
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems
worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like
it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a
pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves
to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not
try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... lucky pig...
can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on
the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my
next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to
know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would
be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to
figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like
that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot
longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
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Four Golfers
Four men went golfing one day. Once on the course, three
of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse
to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about
their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a homebuilder
and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a
multiline dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new
Mercedes, with all the extras." The third man, not wanting to be
outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well
that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio." The fourth man
joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How
is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay
and dances in a gay bar." The three friends looked down at the
grass and smirked holding back laughter. The fourth man carried on,
"Admittedly I'm not thrilled about it, but he must be doing pretty
good... "His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new
Mercedes, and a stock portfolio." |
